Kate
	I am still learning who I am sexually, and I hope and expect to keep learning that as I age. Turing forty made me pay attention a little more, because of the old saw about women hitting their sexual peak at forty. I used to think that wouldn’t be me because I was already so wild and open sexually, I didn’t think I could have more, enjoy it more, or “go higher.” Turns out I was so, so wrong. At forty I feel renewed in some ways, like I’m past the really difficult stuff. I know myself better, I take better care of myself at every level and I know what I want and who I am. That knowledge all comes through in my sexual experiences. In the past few months I’ve discovered a depth of spiritually, a level of passion and trust that I wouldn’t have imagined possible—and not necessarily in a monogamous, committed context. My body is capable of new heights, crazy screaming gushing orgasms, orgasms that wrack me from head to toe without me ever touching myself—and those experiences go on sometimes for hours. Who knew? More generally, my sexuality is about being open, wild, unashamed and uninhibited. Letting myself want what feels good, going to get it, asking for it. For a long time, that meant always feeling like I was taking the lead, controlling the situation, but I’ve recently uncovered, with the help of a delightful partner (or three) a deep submissive streak, a vulnerability that is passionate and primitive, almost aching at times. It goes beyond role-playing to a very basic felt need to be held, to be contained, to let someone else take (me) over. I’m also mischievous and playful at times, and I feel very childlike when that comes up, delighted to be playing so intimately with someone I trust, someone I connect with. I’ve always had a powerful spiritual component to my sexual expression, even when I’m being sexual alone, or experiencing my sexuality in a non-genital/non-contact way. My sexuality is very much about connecting—with another person, with some greater unifying force, with the mysterious divine feminine. That doesn’t mean that every interaction is ritualized, solemn or controlled. Far from it. I love being able to acknowledge and enjoy the “hot and nasty” aspects of sex just as much, and I feel they are no less important, passionate and sacred. I like sex, I like sharing myself and having others share themselves with me; the trust, the opening, the pounding sweating screaming of it. I’ve recently discovered, really felt deeply, the beauty of loving another women’s body. It’s given me a new appreciation for my own physical beauty. I want more; it’s delicious.
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